Saturday, February 11, 2012

We're all doing the best we can with what we've got.

That was the idea for a group that formed last June on a parenting forum many moms frequented. It was a great concept. There were a number of moms who had grown tired and frustrated at the belittling that was being done on the forum. Topics would come up that inevitably led to hurt feelings especially in moms who were really struggling, especially financially. Many of these moms were doing the best they could do with what they had and it didn't always reach the expectations of other moms. I myself had had times I just could not stand to go to this forum because of some of the topics. When this off shoot group formed, I felt I had finally met some moms like me and it was first. Unfortunately, because of the name of the group, some members took it as a means to go off on their own and instead of being part of a support group, decided to cause trouble on threads that in the past used to cause hurt feelings. The moderators, trying to keep peace within the forum, gave warnings but finally had to step in and take action. Members were banned, the daily thread the group used locked up. I did do a little bit of talking to one of the mods and was able to get a daily thread opened up again but many moms had fled by then not feeling comfortable, knowing that these threads were being watched closely.

So a group formed online outside of this forum. At first it started on Facebook, then there was a forum opened up on another website and for awhile, the owner of that forum was setting it up to compete directly against the original forum. It didn't work. Many of the members were moms who had originally banded together for support. Many of the members were also moms who had been causing trouble in the forum. It didn't end when the new group was formed either. There would be posts about a thread in the forum and everyone would rush over to see the drama and maybe even add oil to the fire. What was worse was that it went a step farther and members of the forum would be talked about with no way for that person to even defend herself because she wasn't in the group. It was a mean girl (or rather mom) group and it didn't take long before members started to turn on other members. I ended up deleted from the group. I blame myself for that. I knew deep down that this was not a group I should be in. Talking and gossiping was not something I did and quite often, I disagreed with what the other moms would say about something or someone. It was easy though to be caught up in a group like that, easy to stay because of the long as they didn't turn on you but eventually, they do and it got ugly but fortunately, once I made some mass deletions on Facebook, it ended. I was simply ignored.

Still, seeing this and having gone through similar experiences before led me to look up (of all things) mean moms, mean girls becoming mean moms, etc. That's how I found The Mom Pledge. Reading it, I totally agreed with the concept and vowed too that anything I was doing that was not in keeping with this (like getting too involved in an argument that I'm not going to win) I would work on. I didn't join right away though. I wanted to take some time to get my blog up and running more but hearing that this group has gone after other members within and rather viciously too renewed my need to join. So here I am.

Moms need support. Being a mom is a hard job and a job that's not really valued in our society. It's important that we moms stick together and SUPPORT each other. We need to build each other up, not tear each other down. No, we won't always agree but we can disagree respectfully and not attack each other. We're all in this together and we're all doing the best we can with what we've got.


  1. I hear stories like this all the time, and I am so sick of it! Women should not be treating each other that way. It seems to some it is like a game. A sick, pathetic game. Glad you've found our community. Thank you for taking The Mom Pledge!

  2. I agree. I do think there's a sort of "mob" mentality around it all too. You go along with the group because you don't dare not to. I guess, fortunately for me I've always been one to follow the beat of my own drum, you know? I was the one to choose NOT to run around with the popular crowd at school because I didn't want that pressure of being perfect all the time. I wanted to do my own thing, wear my own clothes, be my own person. Granted, it tends to make me more a loner than anything else but that's how it tends to go, I think. You're either the leader everyone is following, the one who is doing all of the following, or the one who's on her own. And I am one who just doesn't follow a crowd. I think it drives my husband crazy because it goes the same way with religion too and he'd rather I'd follow along with that but that's just not me.


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